


The One With the Unattractive Undead

by peerieweirdo



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Hollstein - Freeform, Zeta Society - Freeform, basically this is like half fluff half gore, deal w/ it, more like ZOMBIE SOCIETY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 20:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3182810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peerieweirdo/pseuds/peerieweirdo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla and Laura have an adorable movie night.</p><p>Meanwhile there are zombies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One With the Unattractive Undead

Blood spattered across Kirsch's face as the bat made contact with rotting flesh, cracking through the brittle skull with a sickening crunch. He pulled the bat back and smashed it again into the brain of the undead freak that stood before him, greyish sludge clung to the bat as he kicked the corpse down.

"That's four, how many you on?"

He turned to Danny, a grin already plastered across his face. Her own expression was grim, clearly she hadn't taken his advice to imagine it was the new 'House of the Dead.'

"Are you counting? Do you think this is a fucking game Kirsch?" She pulled the point of her javelin from a skull and swiped the metal shaft of the weapon into another inhuman aggressor, sending it stumbling back with a confused growl. She was about to end it with a thrust of the weapon when Kirsch slammed his bat into the side of it's head, not quite a full decapitation but enough to render it lifeless.

She growled through clenched teeth.

"I had it covered."

“You know when you said we had a ‘problem’, I figured you meant, like, a slight rainshower or something, not,” Kirsch butted another attacker in the jaw, sending it spinning away, “the fucking zombie apocalypse.”

* * *

“Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me you’ve never seen _High School Musical?!”_

Laura was standing in the middle of their dorm room, holding a stack of possible DVDs for movie night.

“I swear to God I would quite literally leave this dorm room right now and go join in whatever wild party is making all that damn noise outside than watch High School Musical.” Carmilla drawled, not even looking up from her book.

“But it’s a classic!”

“No.”

“Fine.” Laura stuck her nose in the air indignantly. “It’s going on the ‘maybe’ pile.”

“It should go on the ‘burn with a flamethrower’ pile.”

Laura pretended to think for a moment, “... no it’s definitely a maybe.” She tossed the DVD onto her bed on top of ‘Rise of the Guardians’ and ‘Mean Girls.’

“I’m pretty sure that’s an oxymoron, honey.”

“Shut up! How about Stardust?”

“Never heard of it.”

“Oh my God!” Laura squealed, practically jumping on top of Carmilla before settling next to her on the bed. “It’s about this guy who promises a girl he loves that he’ll get her a star, but along the way he falls in love with the star instead-”  
“Wait what?” Carmilla scoffs.

“Oh, yeah, the star is a woman, so anyway these three witches try to cut out her heart and eat it for immortality-”

“It’s really not worth it.”

“What?”

“Immortality.”

Laura looked over to Carmilla, who had finally put down her book.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Carmilla took Laura’s hand in hers. “You’re the reason forever is starting to sound bearable.”

* * *

“Jesus Christ, how many of these things are there?”

Danny yelled, ramming the butt of the javelin through the face of her latest opponent, between the two of them the ragtag bunch of corpses were thinning out, she could see three in her immediate vicinity and another two that she could leave to Kirsch.

“I can hear yelling inside… So I’m gonna say a lot.”

Kirsch swung his bat in a wide arc, smashing the closest freak in the throat. He felt cartilage snap under the force of the blow but the zombie didn’t seem too bothered. “Oh… Right, they’re dead.” He rectified the situation with an upward strike that shattered it’s jaw and rattled the brain enough to put it to sleep for good. He hit the second in the side of the head and it fell hard, before it had a chance to lunge for him he started repeatedly hitting it in the face. It’s nose burst and split, followed by it’s face caving in under the rain of blows that spattered the ground with brain matter. “D’ya think I can put this on my resume?”

Danny couldn’t help but grin at his poor attempt at a joke as she dealt with the two nearest zombies. She speared the first straight through the eye socket, clear liquid oozing forth as she withdrew the javelin. The other one lunged and she wrenched the weapon free to push it away. She didn’t have enough space to try for a clean impaling so she forced it back and used the javelin in the same style as Kirsch’s bat, it seemed effective. She struck the thing in the jaw and went for another strike as she replied. “Yeah, Brody Kirsch, worst zombie extermina-” She stopped short and began to gag, the zombie fell and she vomited on the spot. There was still one undead monster left, and it was approaching Danny as quickly as it’s decomposing legs could carry it.

Kirsch sprinted forward and shoved it off balance, stomping on its head as it cracked off the ground. He felt the skull split under his shoe and the cold, congealed brain made a sucking noise and he pulled his foot free. He moved to Danny’s side, putting a hand on her back and patting it gently. “What happened there?”

* * *

“We still haven’t picked a movie,” Laura said, nudging her girlfriend softly.

“You’re the one who insisted on stopping halfway through to go put on your onesie.”

“We can’t have a movie night without onesies, and don’t you think that I’ll forget that you need to put one on too!”

“Sometimes I think you don’t understand the phrase ‘centuries-old murderous vampire.’”

“Sometimes I think _you_ don’t understand the phrase ‘Laura Hollis’ girlfriend’. You’re wearing a onesie.”

The sight of Laura crossing her arms in determination whilst wearing a purple unicorn onesie made Carmilla almost laugh out loud. Almost.

“Not happening, cupcake.”

“Fine then,” Laura pouted, “you don’t wanna wear the onesie. Because apparently looking _cool_ is more important to you than spending quality time with me and that’s perfectly okay.” 

Carmilla knew that Laura was guilting her on purpose, but damn was it working.

“I don’t mind at all. It’s not like our entire last semester was filled with murder and ancient cults and we spent Christmas hiking in the mountains and maybe I’d like a nice movie night in onesies-”

_Damn, you Laura. Damn your tiny, passive-aggressive, onesie-clad butt._

“And it’s not like you owe me for letting me go days thinking you were dead-”

“ _Fine, I’ll put on the damn onesie_.”

* * *

“Holy shit seriously?”

Danny fought the urge to punch him in the face, and settled instead for thwacking him (gently) on the back of the head. “It was disgusting okay? Just leave it.”

“Fine fine… Right, we should get inside and go check on everyone else right?” Danny jumped to her feet.

“Shit Laura’s in there, c’mon assclown move it!”

She bolted for the door and Kirsch caught up her as quickly as he could.

A few minutes later and they were deep inside the labyrinth of corridors that made up Silas. Danny was hunched over her javelin and looked like she was about to pounce on anything that moved, Kirsch was swinging his bat nonchalantly and kept trying to whistle but couldn't quite get the hang of it. They turned into Laura's corridor, and standing almost directly in front of the door to their destination.

"Holy shit..." Kirsch recognised the monster, it was wearing a Zeta hoodie. As it swung round and registered their presence realisation hit him. He couldn't quite remember the kid's name... Kevin, maybe? He'd been in reserve for the football team. Kirsch used to walk home with him, kid would tell him stories every walk, he was pretty good at them. Kirsch hadn't seen him since about last summer, one day he'd just stopped turning up for practice and Kirsch never questioned it. He should have. Kev was maybe seventeen at a push, probably on his way to practice when it happened.

"I got this!" Danny yelled as the javelin whistled past, burying itself in the head of the zombie and exploding out the back of its skull in a shower of bone chunks and gore.

"Not cool Summer Psycho... He was one of mine."

Danny put a hand on his shoulder and guided him to the door. " It's not a Zeta any more, your bro code doesn't apply here."

He muttered something under his breath as Danny knocked on the door, trying not to look at the body.

***

Laura was snuggled up to Carmilla as close as she possibly could be, trembling with her face buried in the crook of Carmilla’s neck.

On screen, another person got murdered.

“Laura, come on, you’re missing the best part!” she laughed, but in reality she didn’t mind. Any excuse to cuddle Laura was worth it.

“Why did you suggest a scary movie?” Laura whined, and Carmilla could feel the vibrations of her voice against her neck which tickled.

 _W-who’s there?_ the girl in the movie asked, and Carmilla rolled her eyes at the cliche of it all. She slowly began walking down the creaking corridor, towards the room where the killer was _totally_ waiting. The music was slowly building up, louder and louder…

Until a knock on the door made Carmilla jump out of her skin, grabbing hold of Laura and letting out a small yelp.

Slowly Laura brought her head up to look at Carmilla with one eyebrow raised, and Carmilla could tell she was trying her hardest not to laugh.

“Say. Nothing.” Carmilla said, slowly getting off of the bed and walking over to the door. As soon as she opened it, Danny and Kirsch pushed their way into the room, before slamming the door and dragging furniture around.

“What the frilly hell is going on?!” Carmilla demanded.

“Reanimated corpses,” Danny huffed, shoving the wardrobe in front of the door, “we fought our way over here to make sure you were alright,” she stopped, turning to finally take in the scene in front of her, “... are you wearing a cat onesie?”

“Uuuuh…” Carmilla felt herself flush red. It was one thing wearing a onesie and being cuddly around Laura, it was completely another to be caught by Kirsch and Danny.

Kirsch pulled out his phone and snapped a picture, which took all of Carmilla’s self control not to walk up to him and snap his iPhone in half. Unfortunately, she knew that that would gain a disapproving look from Laura, so she settled for a death glare.

“Uh, so zombies, huh?” Laura said, trying to diffuse the tension in the room. You know, reanimating the dead, a much more desirable topic.

“Yeah, Danny ate a bit of-”

“I thought we’d _never speak of that again_.”

“Well yeah but dude a bit of zombie flew in your mouth and you vomited it was pretty awesome.”

Carmilla knew better than to get in the way of them arguing. Which happened a lot. Most days.

“Well,” Laura said, standing up and physically separating the two giants. Carmilla had to bite back a laugh at how tiny she looked next to them. “We were having a movie night. You’re welcome to join us until this whole… zombie thing blows over.”

Kirsch and Danny shared a look.

“Would we have to wear onesies?”

***

Laura was woken up by a banging on the door. At least they were knocking this time, but god, did they have to be so violent?

She kept her eyes closed for a minute, feeling Carmilla’s arm around her and listening to her soft breaths. This was how it was meant to be.

She thought back to what Carmilla had said about earlier, and she realised that, yeah, this could be forever.

Unfortunately, what also seemed forever was the _loud knocking on the door_ , which was getting more and more frantic as time passed. Laura sighed and slowly opened her eyes, getting off of the bed careful enough to not disturb Carmilla who was kind of totally adorable sleeping.

She made her way to the barricaded door, passing Kirsch and Danny who had somehow ended up falling asleep tangled up in each other despite their claims to loathe the other.

Laura knew all too well that love was awfully easy to mistake for hate at first.

“Laura! Carmilla! Open the door!” LaFontaine’s voice came from behind the wardrobe.

“Uuuh, just a minute!” Laura called. She tried to push the wardrobe out of the way herself, but after a few minutes she realised it was futile.

She gently tapped Danny on the shoulder, and her eyes fluttered open slowly. As soon as she realised just who she was practically spooning, she jumped off of the bed, waking Kirsch up in the process.

“Were we just…?”

“No, no, we were just sleeping. Just sleeping close to each other but not cuddling.” Kirsch said, probably trying to convince himself just as much as Danny.

“Yeah, that’s what happened.” Danny nodded.

“While that’s great and all, I kinda need you to move the wardrobe now.”

“But the zombies-”  
“OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!” LaFontaine yelled.

Danny and Kirsch shrugged, then lifted the wardrobe up and shifted it off to the side. Laura thanked them, and opened the door slowly.

LaFontaine was standing holding a bouquet of flowers, with Perry standing behind them.

“What’s all this?” Laura asked.

LaFontaine sighed, then began to recite, “ _I would like to formally apologise for reanimating the dead. I understand that I put the student body in danger and from now on will offer forty eight hours notice before dealing with necromancy_. You happy?”  They turned to Perry, who nodded.

“Wait that was you?!” Danny said.

“Uh, yeah, sorry.”

The way they were grinning made it pretty obvious that they weren’t sorry in the slightest.

“Don’t worry though, I made LaFontaine fix it all.” Perry smiled. “Nice onesies by the way!”

Danny and Kirsch seemed to all of a sudden realise what they were wearing and became embarrassed. Laura on the other hand beamed with pride. She knew someone would appreciate the onesies!


End file.
